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The toughest aspect of being a foster parent is raising a child with their own background, struggles, and family. It can be difficult to care for and raise a foster child, especially knowing that they will ideally return to their original family. Essentially, you are being called to love a child, knowing that they will someday leave, and that’s an immense emotional challenge.
It can also be challenging to have professionals (such as social workers and lawyers ) visiting your house often, scheduling a child’s appointments around court hearings, and seeking therapy for these children, as they have often experienced profound trauma that needs to be addressed and discussed.
A support group for foster parents can be a huge help. This allows you to share your struggles, hear about what works for different families, and bounce your ideas or concerns off of other parents going through the same experiences.
A child therapist with experience handling attachment issues in children can also be helpful, encouraging your foster child to build safe and appropriate relationships with you. Ultimately, it’s possible this child will return to their families and may not ever see you again, so helping them navigate this dynamic with care is important.
Being as open as possible with the child’s biological family is usually best unless there are safety issues that make it necessary to keep some information back from the family. If relationships are healthy, your foster child may enjoy keeping a notebook or scrapbook to share with their family during visits, highlighting things they’ve been doing, working on, or learning.
As time goes on, some less structured visits with family may be allowed, such as accompanying your foster child to church with their biological family. These events can help the child’s family feel more comfortable with you and encourage biological parents to get the help they need while their child is away and safe.
An attorney working within the system and with your family can help ensure that your concerns for your foster child are heard. This can involve your attorney coordinating with teachers or therapists and communicating concerns you have about your foster child’s well-being. This also ensures that all of the adults in your foster child’s life have the same information and can get the child the resources that they need to adjust and thrive.
Apart from support groups, the child placement agency that first licensed you as a foster parent can have classes and ongoing training. This can be helpful to get a refresher on policies, emotional strategies, and resources you can use as a foster parent.
These agencies may also have community events, allowing your child to meet and interact with other foster children and letting foster families socialize and find a sense of community and support.
When working with children, I usually go slowly. It can be difficult for foster children to build trust, and it can take several meetings until I get the answers that I need as an attorney. That’s ok. If a child needs more space, sometimes I’ll use board games to help break the ice and build a rapport.
Building trust is important for the child’s parents as well. My goal as an attorney is to help parents and children feel comfortable talking about their struggles, allowing me to point them in a direction that can lead to healthier relationships and reunification.
And in some cases, it’s important not to release information about the foster child or their location, especially if they’ve come from an environment of abuse. In such cases, I limit what I share in court reports and work to protect the child’s privacy, safety, and interests.
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